It should have been The Fucking Title. I don’t even know what to write about. I just know that writing makes me feel better. Recently it’s been a lot. I am expending too much energy on things that are not likely to be part of my future. On people. On her. Too much time and effort, and energy. I’m not getting anything in return. Since late summer she’s only made me feel worse. That’s the most common feeling I now have associated with her. She only makes me feel worse. I admired the character but maybe I have idealized her in my mind, and in reality she is a totally different person than what I have in my imagination. Most likely. I just can’t make peace with that idea. But I will. Once I am out of her team and no longer have to interact with her on a daily for work. I will move on faster than it takes for a mild bruise to heal. It will be quick. And I am starting to look forward to that moment.
10:09 pm, 30 January 2022, New York
